Ms. Beatrice The Cat told me that you have been informing your Mamas that it was I who stole the fresh strawberries from their vegetable garden. I really must insist that you refrain from slandering me and my name, as it is clear to all that I have no designs upon said strawberries. My preference has always been for nuts – particularly peanuts, which I am sure you have found buried and scattered throughout the yard in my attempt to grow a peanut tree.
Furthermore, it was you, Ms. Madeleine, whom I have observed trotting off with an unripe strawberry one day. As I do not possess a camera, I have no way of providing your Mamas of proof of this, so it is, as they say, your word against mine. However, my integrity has never been under question while both of yours have been, through the numerous questionable acts which you have demonstrated to date. I will gladly offer you the benefit of the doubt, because you are dogs afterall, and I often hear tales of dogs who are most noble. Thus, it is of a goodwill gesture that I have opted to stricken the word “Stupid” from your titles. I hope you can appreciate this subtlety and measure up to the expectation. Your Mamas deserve no less.
Yours in friendship,
Ms. Sibley Squirrel