Mama L. told me that your Mama Amy is going off somewhere for a week and she was all worried about you. Let me tell you something: being outside is overrated. Here is a picture of me — outside – in a harness! Have I told you how humiliating it is to be confined like that? The Stupid Dogs get to roam free all over the back yard, ripping up the Mamas’ lettuces. Did I tell you that the Mamas went off the deep end and planted 5 different kinds of lettuces? I don’t think they’re turning into vegheads, but all I see them eating lately is salad. Like every night. They would probably eat the other stuff they grew too — zucchini, bush beans, tomatoes, lemon cucumbers, tatsoi, and strawberries — if they didn’t have to eat all that salad! From what Mama L. said, it was all Mama M.’s idea. Speaking of strawberries, I wonder where Ms. Sibley the Squirrel is. I haven’t heard from her in a very long time.
Anyway, let’s get back to you for a second. Where was I? Oh, right. Look at me in that harness. Mama L. was all worried that I would jump the fence or bolt off so she thought of making me wear that stupid harness. She must have known that any sort of fabric over my body renders me completely immobile! I practically fell over sideways the first time she put that thing on me! Slowly, over the course of many hours, I finally built up enough strength to be able to stand up long enough to crawl over to the door. I had had enough of the outside.
What does any of this have to do with you? Well, probably not a whole lot, except that you shouldn’t stress out too much. This is all good! You’ll see. Your Mama Amy will miss you so much that she’ll come back with all kinds of goodies and lovings and you’ll get whatever you want. In time, you’ll learn to work it, just like I have!