Dear Diary,

Yesterday was a bit traumatic, but I blamed it all on Big Sis.

At least Mama L. fed us a good breakfast! The Mamas were racing all over the house looking for my vaccination records. I just knew they were up to no good, if they had to look for records of my shots. Then Mama M. whisked us off to the SPA! You will notice, that’s just one letter short of the SPCA.

This spa is called “All About the Dogue“.  The people there were really nice to us. They probably knew it was our first time there, so they were extra gentle with us.  Mama M. had gotten the both of us the “Premium Spa Packages”, which included a “Pawdi-cure, Ear Cleaning (oooooh, I love that!), Shampooing, Conditioning Treatment, Complete Blow Dry, Shed-Less Brush-out Technique, Tidy-up Trimming, Protein & Lanolin Coat Conditioner, & Cologne”. But, the best part? The Blueberry Facial! You can lick it off! Yummy!

Madeleine would probably kick my ass if she knew I told on her, but she also had her butt squeezed. Hee hee hee hee hee!  As in, anal gland expression! Apparently it is quite a common problem with little breeds like us. Well, I’m little, but I sure hope I never need it. I don’t think Madeleine has been right since yesterday. She’s just been super sweet to everybody, me even. But it could also be coz we smell super good too!

Anyway, their motto at All About the Dogue is “All services includes complimentry TLC!” While I’m not telling anybody to take their dogues there, I would give them two thumbs up – or extra toes, in my case!


Dear Beatrice The Cat,

I’m not all that smart, so I don’t know why you want to include me in your discussions about coming up with a plan for the Mamas. Maybe you should talk to Big Sis. She’s super smart about everything, even though you call her a Stupid Dog. She knows how to twirl for treats, and she loves showing off to the neighbors — especially to Charlotte down the street, even though Charlotte never remembers us despite our daily walks. I’m not supposed to say this, because Madeleine has a reputation to keep, but I have seen her so well-behaved towards little old ladies! It’s true! It’s when she’s at her best!

But anyway, look at what I can do with my tongue! Isn’t that awesome? I have the longest tongue in the world! And I can clean both sides of my nose! It makes Mama M. laugh every time I do that, so maybe that’s useful to your Plan?

Dear Stupid Dogs,

I haven’t seen hide nor hair of Ms. Sibley the Squirrel so I will have to guess that she’s moved out of town. I can’t imagine any reason why she wouldn’t talk to me, although one of you Stupid Dogs managed to convince her that I had a grudge against her for the stupid Strawberries. Like I said before, I could give a rat’s ass. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass.

Sigh. There I go again. Is it could or couldn’t?

Anyway, the other day I heard Mama M. yelled at Mama L. that one of you Stupid Dogs brought a rotten peanut in the house. Mama M. said that rotten peanuts are toxic and we all had to keep an eye on you Stupid Dogs in case you get sick.  Too bad. Apparently that didn’t work. The point being, somebody had to bury those rotten peanuts, and I know it wasn’t the Mamas. I guess it’s Ms. Sibley’s Revenge, after all.

But I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t be speaking with me. What did I do to deserve the silent treatment?

Mama M. also yelled at Mama L. for not letting you Stupid Dogs post any new entries for over a week, although she acknowledged that Mama L. was busy with setting up the front office and all. Plus, she still had to go into work for a little longer. Apparently the work people don’t want her to completely stop work yet. Well…all I know is that the Mamas still managed to carve out some time away from you Stupid Dogs, and me, and Annabelle, to go play a round of golf last weekend. Mama L. said it was the best game they had ever played. They both scored  below 40 for a Par-3 course! (Honestly, I know absolutely nothing about what that means, but they were pretty happy about it. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was their 7th anniversary.)

There have been a few changes around the house, too.  Last weekend, Mama M. broke down the fish tank because I think she was getting tired of cleaning it. Oh well, no more kitty TV for me. Then, Mama L. moved all the stuff from the back bedroom into the front room because that’s going to be her office now. Which means, I have no longer have a launching table to get to the window — I’m still ok for right now, because I can still jump that high. It’s just so inconsiderate.

Anyway, the only reason why I’m writing to you Stupid Dogs is that we must keep an eye out on the Mamas. They’ve been behaving erratically. First, with all this moving of stuff around. And second, with all the attention we’re not getting. I consider this to be urgent and of the utmost importance! We must pull our heads together and come up with a plan!

This evening Mama L. finished her new vegetable patch. She read from some astrologer that yesterday and today were the best planting days this month for above-ground crops. The list I heard  she told Uncle Witold was broccoli, kale (several varieties), lettuce (what? not again!), brussel sprouts, one new variety of zucchini, and one pumpkin! None of this excites ME, of course. Where’s the catnip?

Jack Clark (Alameda) Golf Course

Last Friday, at the peak of the Grand Cardinal Cross,  the girl and I took our afternoon off to go play a round of golf. First, we went to Monarch Bay at the San Leandro marina – the parking lot was completely full. Apparently, there was a junior league tournament. Next, we went to Metropolitan Golf Links near the Oakland Airport. They were really expensive and the guy was a total jerk.

Our choices were back to Chabot (we’re not ready for the 18-hole there yet) or to one of the two Chuck Corica courses in Alameda. We ended up going to Alameda and had a really nice time. We chose the south (Jack Clark) course because it was a link-style course and was supposed to be much better for beginners. The fees were $35 per person, with cart, after 2:00 p.m. It got really chilly at around 5:30, but otherwise we were doing pretty good.

The first half sucked for me. We felt rushed – the ranger came out a couple of times to tell us that people were waiting behind us. But, then she told us that she was happy to see more women out on the course, and asked us to bring some more women friends. We screwed up on the shortest holes, go figure. Hole #8 was awesome, though. We had to get the ball over a huge water hazard from the tee – probably at least 80 yards – and we made it!

The back nine was MUCH better. I shaved off at least 10 points. The putting was consistent – around two strokes per hole – and the greens were fairly true. Michelle tells me (from reading one of her many golf websites) that scoring 120 is good for beginners. She got 108 and I got 113. I guess we’re pretty darn good then. Neither one of us made par on any of the holes, but we were really really close.

Here’s a brief blurb from their website:

“The Jack Clark Golf Course was originally designed by William Francis Bell in 1957. It was partially redesigned by Robert Muir Graves in 1977. This European, links style course features rolling windswept fairways, sandy waste areas, pot bunkers, and large true greens.”

Slope Rating:
Black – 71.6 / 119
Blue – 70.1 / 117
White – 67.5 / 112
Red – 70.0 / 113 (I have no idea what any of that means, except “red” is where we played from”)

The second best part of the day is when we had dinner at the club house. We had a great bartender – Shannon – who was very attentive and gave us gigantic shots of Patron. She also recommended the Slider Burgers (3 per serving), which was OUT OF THIS WORLD!! They came with a generous side of curly fries. Maybe it was because we were cold and tired, but they were the best burgers I’ve ever had!

We’ll probably try the north (Earl Fry) course another time – but for sure we’ll go back to the club house for more of them sliders!

Dear Journal,

Mama L. told Mama M. about some Grand Cardinal Cross that was supposed to show up in the sky this past Friday and Saturday. She said that some famous astrologer named Susan Miller, whom I have yet to meet, said that it’s the first time she has ever seen so many planets forming a perfect square to each other, and that it’s unlikely to be seen again! I tried to look for it all day but I couldn’t see anything at all, even after the morning fog had lifted. I don’t know about this Susan Miller; I mean, I have much better eyesight than most humans and I couldn’t see any crosses in the sky. After a while, I got bored, but I managed to get Lil Sis all riled up and played a vigorous game of soccer!

Anyway, the Mamas had decided to take Friday afternoon off because of that Cross. Susan Miller had said that it was going to be a tense day. I thought the Mamas were going to hang out with us and at least take us to the Dog Park! But instead, they spent the whole afternoon golfing! I couldn’t believe it! And it wasn’t the usual 9-hole they played either – that would have only taken an hour and a half. No, instead, they took five hours to play an 18-hole course. Lil Sis and I found a Golf magazine on the floor, and we let our feelings known to the Mamas in no uncertain terms. Perhaps next time they’ll think twice before doing that again!