Dear Stupid Dogs, most especially Stupid Madeleine,

Since I am The Cat, it is my job to make sure that everything runs smoothly around the house. That includes making sure that you stupid dogs don’t make the Mamas unhappy. You were doing pretty good until that stupid cat poop incident. I’ve tried to dissuade Annabelle many times from pooping outside the box, but she’s an old sick girl and sometimes she gets confused and loses her mind. A few thwaps on her head here and there and she seems to remember again.

But there’s no excuse for you stupid dogs, especially Madeleine who is supposed to be older and smarter. Aren’t you the one who’s always huffing and puffing about being alpha and all? You should be a good example to Gingersnap! who always looks up to you and always gets in trouble because of you. Eating cat poop is just disgusting, not just to the Mamas but to me as well. It’s just about the most revolting thing ever, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

I have skills, you know. They’re called claws. I know you yelped loudly when I swiped at your nose, but I was being gentle as it was the first time I caught you red-pawed. The next time, it will be a lot worse.

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