Dear Journal,

I am exhausted. It’s finally taken me three days to recuperate enough to be able to talk about my weekend with the Mamas.

Theys tricked us again! They lured us out of our peaceful everyday existence by exclaiming “We’re going on a vacation together!!” The truth is, I was very excited about it because I have never been on a vacation before, unless you count that time the Mamas abandoned us at the Wag Hotel when they went to visit Grandmaw and Grandpaw B. Or maybe the time before that when we went and stayed over at Uncle Jeff’s Doggie Daycamp. So this all sounded great, until we got in the car, and Mama M. started driving the way she usually does. Since my stomach was already in an uproar from all the excitement, I just thought it would have been so much better if Mama M. didn’t weave in and out of traffic. I finally threw up (a few times) before she got my point.

Boy, it was a long drive, and the Mamas got lost a couple of times and started arguing about maps and directions and stuff. But when we finally got to the Glass House, I was wowed! It was a humongous place, with lots of room for us to run around. I chased Gingersnap! all over the place. There was this grassy area with mounds of really tall grass — so tall that we could barely see over it! The entire place was fenced in, so the Mamas didn’t have to worry about us running loose and getting lost. We got settled in after a while and the Mamas fed us dinner because it was getting late. Mama L. made a beautiful fire in the fire place, and I was interested in it for a little while (I’ve never seen a fire place before), but then I fell asleep because I was tired from all the day’s excitement. I slept like a dog!

Then, a little after midnight, we woke up suddenly because there was a strange black little kittie sitting outside looking into the bedroom! The entire house was glass on one side, so there was a lot for us to guard! And, since it was almost a full moon and super bright, we could see everything! Mama M. grumbled about us barking, but we were just doing our job! After a while, the little kittie left, but we stayed up for a while after that, wondering where it came from and what it was doing there. Mama M. said it was like a little magic, with the full moon and all. Little G! was a little freaked out and kept growling in that low rumbling voice of hers, but I think it’s because she’s never seen a black cat before.

The next morning, the Mamas got up and fed us, and then we all went for a “walk”. That “walk”, however, was almost 4 miles long! It was fine on the way out; I had just gotten up and was feeling refreshed. But by the time we hit the main gate by the highway, I just wanted to take a nap! Little G! and I had been chasing each other around and around and smelling this and that — I had spent a lot of energy already. Plus, I have the shortest legs out of all of us! That means I had to walk a lot faster than everybody just to keep up. It was certainly the longest walk of my life up to that point. If it wasn’t for all the walking, it would have been terrific!

We finally came home later, and rested. But then Mama L. got a wild hair up her butt and said, “Hey, let’s take the girls down to the pond. They’ve never gone swimming before.” And Mama L. said “Yes! And Madeleine has webbed toes! She’ll love it!” I did not love it. In fact, I hated it. They threw us in that pond without any regards for our safety! Well, ok, in the beginning, they cared a little, because they put those silly orange lifevests on us. Those big bulky things only kept us afloat — they didn’t actually do anything about getting us to shore. We had to paddle frantically in order to make it! Then they took the lifevests off, and threw us in the water again! Well, ok, so they carried us into the water, and helped us stayed afloat by holding us up, but we still had to frantically paddle back to shore! I have never been so frightened in my life! As if that wasn’t enough suffering, the Mamas kept giggling like it was great fun. It was not fun. Not fun at all. I hope I never see a stupid lake again.

I guess the Mamas wanted to make the most of our vacation, because the next morning they asked “Wanna go for a walk?” in that happy sing-songy voice of theirs. And like a stupid dog, I fell for it again! We walked and walked and walked. Uphill downhill, trot trot trot. I was delirious by the time we get to the stupid gate. Why do I listen to them? I think the Mamas finally got it after looking at me several times and got a little concerned about how tired I looked. They stopped and rested frequently on the road and pretended to look at the turkey vultures circling above. But I knew they were worried about me. By then I really just wanted to finish my “walk” so that I can go home and put my head down. It was getting heavy. And so was my tail.

And then they had the audacity to ask me later in the afternoon if I wanted to go for a swim.

I hope our next vacation is somewhere indoors.