Dear Stupid Dogs,

While you were trotting around the house with your tail tucked and your ears down, moping over some stupid and obnoxiously loud piece of orange rubber toy, I was responding to a higher and more noble cause, plotting the revenge of the BP and TransOcean CEOs who have caused much sadness in Mama L. lately. Because I can. I’m a cat. We are naturally gifted when it comes to the psyche and the intellect. Unlike you stupid dogs who can’t even think beyond your next meal.

I must have a chat with my friend, Ms. Squirrel, to see how progress iscoming along. It’s really hard to track her down when she jumps from tree to tree like that. Oh, there she is. She looks like she’s in deep thoughts again. Maybe she has contemplated a really good plot to get rid of those evil men. I just want to dump them in the same ocean that they have contaminated and see how they hold up. They probably wouldn’t learn anything anyway.

Mama L. is so mean!

Dear Diary,

I had thought my Mama L. was the bestest person on earth yesterday when she brought home a new Mr. Squeaky Lion for me. I had really missed him! I was so happy when Big Sis and I ran all over the house with Mr. Squeaky Lion squeaking the entire time! You should have seen us!

I guess we got a little too happy because I started chomping on Mr. Squeaky Lion with a little more enthusiasm than usual (so he can squeak a little louder), when all of a sudden his right ear came off.  

I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being happy with Big Sis. But Mama L. chased after me and hollered something incomprehensible (something about “swallowing rubber” again, as if that was a big deal). And then she took that picture as if it was evidence of my crime!

I ran all over the house looking for Mama M. to intervene — I knew she would have spoken out and stood up for me — but she was in the shower with soap all over her face so knew she wasn’t much help.

Then I ran back to Mama L. to see if she had come to her senses. (She didn’t.)  This was the last I saw of Mr. Squeaky Lion.