Dear Mei Mei,

You are not going to believe what happened to me! I got what you had – a urinary tract infection! I am so miserable! I just can’t get comfortable no matter what I do. Here I am trying to look “cute” to get Mama L.’s attention coz I don’t know how to tell her I don’t feel good. Well, it must have worked because tonight she ordered me some natural remedies and have the shipping expedited so that I can be better soon. Anyway, in case you ever need to tell your Mama Amy, try looking as cute as you can – it seems to work well on humans. And then go pee on their bed if that doesn’t work.

Meanwhile, I asked Mama L. to post the link to the website where she got my meds.

Dear Ms. Sibley The Squirrel,

I was speechless after your post — you sound so elegant and all. But it was Grandpa Dwight who pointed out that just because you’re eloquent doesn’t mean you’re to be trusted. He actually called you a terrible liar! As a matter of fact, Grandpa D. reminded me of the avocado incident! Mama L. also remembers the corn incident. I have been innocent all along. It was YOU who slandered me!

Oh, and by the way, how convenient of you not to have a camera! I was only tasting the strawberry you mentioned; I was not stealing it. You have absolutely no proof of anything. It’s just your word against mine. If Auntie Juniper was here, she would say that the evidence is inconclusive. Or whatever they say in law-speak.  (That’s right, you didn’t know that I know all the right people in the right places, did you? I am Auntie J’s most favoritest dog-niece in the world!)

Anyhoo, I asked Mama L. to take a picture of what YOU did. Clearly, the teeth mark indicates that it was you who most frequently visits the vegetable patch. From now on, please resist from making me out to be the bad guy. It won’t work anyway…I have the law on my side.

Hi MeiMei!

Our Mama L. told us all about you and then your Mama Amy sent these pictures of you!! What a cutie pie you are! How come you so shy? You shouldn’t be so shy when you’re this cute. Mama L. said that your Mama Amy had somebody — a cat whisperer or something — come over to talk to you coz you don’t understand English. Or maybe you do and you choose not to listen. In any case, you should know that your Mama Amy loves you very much, and she’s always worried about you and your happiness. She’s cool like that. She’s a good human. We know, coz our Mama L. is a good human, too.

Well, listen — if you ever need to talk to some real felines, you just let us know. Well, mostly Annabelle, coz she’s old and wiser. When Mama L. told us about Max, Annabelle said to just ignore him and he’ll go away. Annabelle has had to put up with a lot of dickheads in her life, so she knows a thing or two about bad asses, and Max just sounds like a bad ass to her.  In her younger days, she used to chase down ferocious avocado pits and renegade red potatoes. Anyway, you just keep that in mind.

Dear Diary,

Mama L. swiped my butt twice today, because I chewed through the stupid basket where Mama M. hid Mr. Squeaky Lion. Mama L. didn’t know that at the time, so I guess I can forgive her for swiping my butt, but it’s really not very fair. I still have my left baby canine and it’s really bothering me! My teeth itch! I can’t help it. I’m normally a pretty good girl. I just can’t help chewing on things right now coz my teeth itch!

That, and Mama L. is just being mean in general. Look at this video; you’ll see what I mean!

Dear Journal,

It was 3:07 a.m. this morning when Mama M. woke up with a blood-curdling scream. “GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, TURN THE LIGHT ON, GET IT OFF!!!!!”  Naturally, I assumed she was talking about me since I was sleeping contently with my muzzle on her ankle.

Mama L. and I both jumped off the bed, alarmed and completely disoriented, while Mama M. ran around ripping her shirt off and swatting at her face. Little Gingersnap! backed up against the headboard shivering and Beatrice’s tail looked like a bottle brush. We all looked at Mama M. and silently questioned her sanity. Maybe she had a nightmare?!?

Well, it turned out to be a little itty bitty creepy looking bug! We don’t know where it came from or how it got there, but Mama M. squashed it with a vengeance and that was the end of that.

Just to be safe, I’m sleeping with my muzzle on Mama L.’s ankle from now on.

“Mother Nature’s Seduction”

Mother Nature’s Seduction

When I dream
of blown leaves
and the lullaby
they create upon the ground
as the wind whispers them along
gentle scrapes that leave behind
no trace or scars
just an empty space
where the colors of fall
used to reside
each a soft wet kiss
leaving only its hand print behind

Poem by ~erw7984, inspired by a photo called “When I Dream” by Mike Shaw. Both at www.deviantart.com (no longer onfile).