My Big Sis Madeleine and I are super close. I have always depended on her since the first day the Mamas brought me home as a wee pup. She is my role model — I learned everything from her. What she does, I do. But now it feels like I am always trying to catch up to her. It started with Madeleine having a No. 1 Fan. (She actually has two now.) Thank Dog that Auntie Peggy stepped in and saved me by being my No. 1 Fan. Then the other day Madeleine announced that Tara is her BFF. I thought **I** was her BFF. And now Madeleine has a new career as a journalist, interviewing celebrities.
Bella and DiDi, you always have good advice to give. What I should I do? Should I go get a BFF? Should I try to find a career? I’m not very talented like my Big Sis. I can barely twirl for a cookie. I need some direction in life!
I’m going to follow Long Life Cats and Dogs‘ advice and interview celebrity dogs for a while until I hone my skills. I think my interview with Beatrice would have gone much better if I knew how to interview her like a real journalist. So today, I bring you Cousin Chester! Chester is Uncle Brian’s dog! Cousin Chester isn’t a celebrity yet, but since he’s my cousin I love him anyway! Even though he’s a boy and smells like one.
Madeleine Bartel: Chester, for the record, can you please tell us how old you are in dog years?
Chester Wozniak: I am 9 and a half in dog years.
MB: How did your human Dad discover you? Did he notice you right away?
CW: He found me at the Berkeley Humane Society. I had just gotten to the shelter and he came in that day and said right away that he wanted to take me home. I kept biting him because I thought he would like it, but I don’t think he did. We left the Humane Society we went over to Aunt Linda and Michelle’s house so I could meet my new cousins Madeleine and Gingersnap!
MB: Are there any daily chores that you have to perform? How do you feel about that?
CW: I used to have to stay in my crate all day while Dad was at work. It wasn’t too bad since I always had a toy and a nice soft bed to sleep on. Now Dad leaves me out in the living room. It is nice to have more space but every time he comes home and sees how I pulled new strings out of the carpet, he doesn’t seem impressed. I like hanging out in the living room better than being in my crate.
MB: Do you get to have any fun?
CW: We go for walks everyday and I LOVE playing with my friends in the complex. I used to play with Emil mostly but now Maki and I play together all the time.
MB: How do you feel about having me as your favorite cousin? It’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?
CW: Yes, you are a great cousin. I love running around and chasing you in your grassy yard. I love playing with Cousin Gingersnap! too. Yes, It is pretty awesome.
As you know, recently I’ve been inspired by Ms. Karen and Auntie Lisa to try my paw at journalism. Today is my first official day as a journalist! Beatrice is the first celebrity I can find. Beatrice is a terrific and willing subject with an open-door policy allowing me instant access! I thought the interview went quite well for a first timer, don’t you?
Madeleine Bartel: Beatrice, will you let me interview you? I need to practice so I can become a great journalist!
Beatrice DeBolt: Go away, I am trying to take a nap.
MB: But you’re always napping.
BD: That’s because you’re always pestering me.
MB: Please? Just a few questions? I can narrow it down to two or three good ones.
BD: So that means you had ten bad ones before. Now leave me alone.
MB: Beatrice, why do cats think they know everything?
BD: We know more than you dogs! Get outta here.
MB: Is it true that cats have 9 lives?
BD: You only have one. Now scram!
MB: Do you know how much I love you, Beatrice?
Both Ms. Karen and Auntie Lisa think I should be a journalist! Auntie Lisa thinks I should go cover the news in Afghanistan, and really get to the bottom of things. But I’m a lover, not a fighter. I don’t like wars at all. I am much too sensitive of a dog for that. When the Mamas quarreled, it would make me sick to my stomach, so now they don’t do it in front of me anymore. Besides, I would much rather spend time socializing and giving wags and licks and making everybody feel good. That’s why I’m the Ambassador of Goodwill in my neighborhood.
Hmmm…maybe I have found my calling afterall. I am going to interview every single celebrity I can find. I will get started on that first thing tomorrow!
Tara is my BFF and I had the chance to sit down and interview her on her birthday:
Madeleine Bartel: How old are you today? Do you feel any wiser or just older?
Tara Goldin: I plead the 5th!
MB: That bow is very fetching on you, Tara. Is blue your favorite color? Do you have a favorite outfit?
TG: I like blue. But everything looks so damn good on me.
MB: When and how were you discovered? Did your Mama fall in love with you as soon as she laid eyes on you?
TG: I was one of 7 siblings. I was so beautiful I stood out instantly. I was destined for stardom.
MB: It must be very difficult to deal with stardom on a daily basis. How do you keep your adoring fans at bay?
TG: I don’t deal with it, my agent does.
MB: Is it difficult for you to keep your figure? What do you do for exercise?
TG: I have a personal pilates trainer.
MB: Do you have any advice for young lassies like us?
TG: Just remember anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac!!
I think Mama L. should give up gardening and concentrate all her free time on us. She worked so hard on those metal tubs but I’m not so sure she’s getting much of a return. At least not for the zucchini anyway. Guess which one of these is hers? I’d be embarrassed even taking this picture. Uncle Steven gave her the big one — his neighbor sure knows how to grow monster size zucchinis. She seems to do a little better with the green beans though…
I am a little worried coz I think the Mamas have gone off the deep end again. They are getting ready for our annual trip to the Glass House. Mama L. already got her list of supplies started, but now she’s more concerned about our well-being than before. We already got life vests for our swim in the lake. We now have Doggles to protect our eyes from the sun’s ultra-violet rays. Whatever. And now, booties! Here is Madeleine modeling them.
I blame it all on Tara. She doesn’t have short hair like us, and if only her Mama would keep her clean and trimmed, we wouldn’t even be discussing this right now. Tara gets foxtail and burrs and Dog-knows-what on her hairy troll paws, so I get it that her Mama would want to make sure she is taken care of. But us? Now we have to wear these ridiculous boots too! I know Madeleine doesn’t mind so much — she actually likes parading around wearing silly costumes and being a princess. But I really hate anything on me but my own hair.
Well, maybe I will worry about it tomorrow. Right now I am too sleepy to care. I’m going to curl up with Mama M. on her Save Your Face Pillow. It’s supposed to keep sleep wrinkles away, but maybe it will help get rid of my gray muzzle hair too!